Male Victims of Narcissistic Abuse

Introduction to Family Law and Men’s Issues

Jay Young:
Welcome to another episode of the Young Dad Podcast. Whether you’re outside grilling, mowing the lawn, changing dirty diapers, or you saw this episode and thought, “I need to sit down and listen to this one,” I’m so excited to have you here. I’m your host, Jay Young, and I have a very special guest joining me today.

Today, we’re talking with Attorney Padideh Jafari, a highly respected family law attorney with extensive experience handling complex cases. She graduated from Southwestern University School of Law and holds a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies with a minor in Psychology from Loyola University, where she was on the Dean’s Academic Honor List. During law school, Attorney Jafari served as a judicial extern for The Honorable Michael D. Rutberg and clerked for the L.A. District Attorney’s Office, specifically in the special unit handling child rape and molestation cases.

Attorney Jafari has also been an adjunct professor at NYU’s Schack Institute of Real Estate and the Southern California School of Law, teaching courses in real estate law, family law, and community property. She’s been deeply involved in professional associations, including the Iranian American Lawyer Association, where she served as Vice President, as well as the American Bar Association, L.A. County Bar Association, and International Academy of Collaborative Lawyers.

Today, we’re diving into important and often overlooked topics such as family law issues affecting men, domestic violence, and narcissistic abuse toward men, as well as the challenges of navigating the divorce process. I’ll also share some of my own experiences with these topics, both personally and as a mental health clinician. Let’s get started! Without further ado, let’s welcome Attorney Padideh Jafari to the show.

Attorney Jafari:
Thank you so much, Jay. I’m really excited to be here. I’ve been following what you’re doing with Young Dad on social media, and it’s great to finally connect.

Understanding Domestic Violence and Narcissistic Abuse

Jay Young:
Let’s jump right in. What’s a hill you’re willing to die on when it comes to advocating for men in family law, particularly regarding domestic violence and narcissistic abuse?

Attorney Jafari:
I strongly believe that men are underrepresented in cases involving domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. Men often lack a voice in these areas and are frequently not believed. Many men, due to ego or societal expectations, are reluctant to admit they’ve been abused by a woman. However, I’ve seen cases where abuse against men is just as prevalent as it is against women.

In our firm, we represent a majority of male clients in these situations. We work hard to help them navigate these complex issues and fight against the stigma that surrounds male victims.

The Stigma Surrounding Male Victims

Jay Young:
That’s so important. I’ve noticed a lot of men just tolerate abusive behavior because they feel they have no other option. There’s also such a double standard. If a man retaliates, even after being provoked, he’s immediately seen as the aggressor.

Attorney Jafari:
Exactly. A perfect example of this is what we saw with Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Men often face what’s called “reactive abuse,” where they’re provoked to the breaking point and then their reaction is used against them. Women will sometimes strategically document these moments to paint the man as the abuser.

It’s crucial for men to avoid reacting in these situations. Walk away, leave the house, and do not engage. The next step is often what’s called the “Silver Bullet” method, where false allegations of abuse are made to gain leverage in a divorce or custody case.

The Importance of Awareness and Education

Jay Young:
What legal advice do you have for male victims of narcissistic abuse?

Attorney Jafari:
First and foremost, don’t engage with the abuse. If you suspect things are escalating, consult with an attorney before filing for divorce. Prepare yourself by documenting incidents and gathering evidence.

If false allegations arise, it’s vital to have a strong legal strategy. Sadly, even when false, these allegations can follow men throughout their custody or divorce proceedings.

Strategies for Dealing with Narcissistic Partners

Jay Young:
What steps should individuals take to safeguard their mental health during a divorce with a narcissistic partner?

Attorney Jafari:
Knowledge is power. Learn about narcissistic abuse and how it manifests. Work with a narcissism-informed attorney, and if possible, consult a therapist or coach experienced in this area.

Also, avoid reacting emotionally to provocations. Use tools like co-parenting apps or consult a third party before responding to hostile messages. Focus on your well-being—exercise, eat healthily, and find emotional outlets to stay grounded.

The Importance of Prenups and Family Insight

Attorney Jafari:
A practical piece of advice for men considering marriage: bring up the idea of a prenuptial agreement. A narcissistic woman will often react strongly against it because it threatens their potential control. This can be a revealing test of their intentions.

Jay Young:
That’s such a smart approach. It helps you identify red flags early in the relationship.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Jay Young:
Thank you so much, Attorney Jafari, for sharing your insights today. It’s been an incredibly valuable conversation.

Attorney Jafari:
Thank you for having me, Jay. If this conversation helps even one person, it’s worth it. For anyone who wants to learn more, you can find us on social media at Jafari Legal or check out our podcast, The Narcissist Abuse Recovery Channel.

Jay Young:
Thank you again, and to all our listeners—remember, you’re not alone. Reach out for support if you need it. Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and leave a review. See you next time on the Young Dad Podcast!